oh :( i feel sick.

after my grandma passed away, i realized that the women on my dad's side of the family (aside from my grandma and my dad) were all cunts.

my aunt, my dad's younger sister, said something like "at least we don't have to come visit everyday anymore"



oh the bitches in this family.


my great aunt who i held with such high regard because her actions appeared so kind. her face was so similar to grandma's.

that damn woman was snooping out for my grandma's cash. she asked her how much money she has right now and grandma answered easily since she trusts her sisters. i was there when she asked. my mom said "let's not talk about these things" but my grandma said "WHY NOT?" she sounded angry. i still remember it was a foggy hazy day, typical of daly city but.......still

a year and a half later, my mom was telling me about was that same woman, my great aunt, grandma's younger sister wanted to take some expensive herbs home to canada. she wanted to take them all. my dad said "don't take too much, mother still would want to use it." her reply? you couldn't imagine it. i'd never imagine it. my dad was heartbroken and cried promptly after. the man i've known to be so proud and unyielding.

greedy mother fucking cunts.

they're all greedy fucking cunts. every single one of them.

i don't even want to talk about that crooked shit nose bitch who was my grandma's sister in law.

sad bunny

rusted heart like my rusted back. how many rusty nails until i shine?

xxxHolic is so good >___<
it feels a little eerie, but it's not as scary as detective conan~!

i can't seem to remember what i use to do when i was alone.

i feel like there's a blade in my throat.

im always going have courage
but i just want someone to be my hero

like right now. i wished really hard that you would probably come and get me.
who am i kidding amirite.
i really hate myself when i sound like this.

i want to give up.

when characters i like are happy
i feel really happy tooooooo

easy to please i guess


sigh <3

I haven't laughed so much while reading manga before ^___^~

shoujo sport manga~ that's a first!

http://www.onemanga.com/Power/

a million thoughts are running through my head.

at the moment, i think i'll act like a big shot even though i might be happy pushing papers in pretty clothes knocking over teacups.

my random babble is at best when im driving and eating alone.

that this icon isn't mine and i uploaded it to livejournal directly. talk about feeling unsafe.

I want to move out. I don't feel at home. My things are moved a little everyday. I feel suspicious. I feel unsafe. I want to leave.

what is worst?

fearing rejection

or being rejected

or being ping ponged from being rejected to accepted?




i can't be afraid of rejection anymore. not by anyone.
SO FUCK YOU. I'LL BE STEPPING WHERE I WANT BITCHES.

when im alone, i think about grandma a lot.
not much when i'm with others.
but when im alone, i think about grandma.
and i cry.
and i miss her.

is it psychological?
is it physiological?

more than love and peace on earth
I want some sexy headphones so I don't need to blast noise to hear it.
me first.

to reciprocate my feelings.

thank you for noticing my work when no one else will.



i told my mom that i watered the garden today. she scoffed at me.
but the man across the street told me "good job." i wish i gave him something more than a smile.

i can't find my wallet. ahhh.
>_< well it's been missing 3 days so it's safe to say that it hasn't been found by someone else o_o

Uh yeah okay.


Yesterday I had a dream about Hibari Kyoya from Reborn.
YES this is the first time I had a dream with a fictional character =.= wthwthwth?

if one of your classmates said "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU FUCKING STINK JAMENSON!"
cause that is exactly what I said. To tell truth, I'm afraid that he might find his post since he's a internet troll (and an RL troll). he's smelled really sour. I had to experience it twice.

once during a still life and the only good seat left was next to him T_T
and the other time when the room was practically empty since it was the day before tkxgiving break. I sit near the sink so I can change water easily (was painting). Lo'&behold! he decides to sit next to me. what. the fuck. 20 empty seats and he scurries his lard ass next to me. srsly, wtf. he is so annoying that I think I'm going to bring duct tape tomorrow just to shut him the fuck up.

it was last week when I was cleaning out a can of stale crackers so I could use the tin to mix some acrylic.
I was thinking that I was really horrible for rubbing away the things that were touched and the things that were liked.



I'm not stable.

I enjoy our nights with your fake cigarettes.

it's insane that i'm excited about driving to the legion of honor cuz i want to hear ame ato on my ipodddd~! hahah.

lol squalo. VRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIII
cutie cutie cutie

sunshine :)
meltmeltmelt

When she was still in the hospital, Grandma really wanted to go on one. I wish we all had gone.

on my way home from japan, there was a really breathtaking scenery above the clouds. where is heaven?

I can care less about your ass. BB.


Zzz gonna open a coconut now. It's like jello.

HOLY CRAP

SHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCKSHOCK

i grew up pretty much like a rich brat (despite being in a lower middle class family).

neither my mom nor dad paid attention to me while i was growing up and they're forcing me to converse with them...NOW? wait a minute. i have to keep my mouth shut at the dinner table? what was the reason for me to be around? why should i come home? and i'm the one that needs to sympathize with them because they couldn't stop working to talk to their kids a few minutes a day.

there hasn't been a time in my life where i haven't enjoyed my alone time. gtfo of it.
i've had eczema for 10 years now. 10 YEARS and they're only now concerned about it~! do me a favor and stop gawking at my skin. do me a favor and stop giving suggestions. do yourself a favor and listen to ME when i say that i don't want to take some crack pot medicine because i know it's a scam~!! 10 years. 10 FUCKING years.

you're 22 fucking years too late if you want to baby me. you're 10 years too late if you want change me.


i dont know what i'm saying.
i miss grandma a lot.

My dad built this house to keep the family together. Though since we've come here, the family's done nothing but fall apart. Each room is becoming emptier as we rekindle the space and love lost. Space, life and love lost. Life and love lost.


I was using some a super face mask earlier and now my eye is super irritated and is kinddd of burning. I've been flushing it out for a while and only stopped a few minutes ago. There is a, perhaps, insignificant stinging leftover now but I should be fine by tomorrow. I hope D:

I really like when heavy rain wakes me up. It's really comforting. I like rain. I need me some rain boots~!

TT____TT I wonder where all the little trick or treaters are? Probably trick or treating in a seemingly safe, rich neighborhood .___. sighhhhhhhhh.

"everything I knew about beauty was a lie"

that is sooo how I felt when I took figure drawing. :3

I really like the glass containers t.v. show cooks use in their kitchen for baking powder an whatnot. Ufufufu~ one day I'll have an oven and a kitchen of my own *^____^*~~

i can't believe it's already monday T_T someone shoot me pls.
i just fixed my sleeping schedule and i fucked it up already dangggggggg.
it's just too scary to sleep at night.
the nocturnal knows what up.


ignore the no-banner if you're looking at my journallllllll. working on it.